8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
