WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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