"it" just moved
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
