My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize