Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
