Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
