Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
