Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
