I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
