He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
