I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
