Need sex. Gaining weight.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
