i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
