Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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