i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
