How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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