i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
