tequila makes me forget i have legs
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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