That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
