Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
