i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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