I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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