...so i touched it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
