I accidentally had phone sex last night
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
