I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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