saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
