dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
