i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
