you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
