this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
