Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
