My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
