if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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