Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
