Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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