Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
