Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
