I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
