i can't believe i had my finger in that
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
