dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
