i already hear my dad disowning me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
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They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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