so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
