im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
