You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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