I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
