1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
