i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
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He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
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He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐