Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.