Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.