my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
