im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
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Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.