He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
