I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
