FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
