I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
