Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
