Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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