Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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