i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
