dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
