I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
