I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
