just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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