I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
