I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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