Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
