If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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