are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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