i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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