what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
