you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
