Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
