I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
