he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
handjob tips. give me some.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
