I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
