at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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