I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
