Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
