I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
