So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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