my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
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I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.