And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just want to make out with him forever
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.