My sheets look like a crime scene.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
