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I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
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