who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.