I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.