So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize