Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
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Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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