bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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