Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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