I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
