that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
