You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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