the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
