I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
