his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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